Tuesday, December 28, 2010

2011 Will Be a Good Year.

What a difference a year makes. Charlie was born at the very end of 2009, but we didn't get home from the hospital until early January 2010. I had a c-section and took full advantage of the staff at the hospital and stayed as long as I possibly could in the hospital. Tuna Melt? Yes, please. Let us watch your baby in the nursery while you sleep? Mmm hmm. Take your catheter out? Shirley. Oh, those were the days.

The first 3 months of 2010 are a bit hazy for me/us. We were sleep deprived, our life changed drastically, and I left the house about 5 times. Each 3 months that passed, it got better and better. It was never bad, but there was definately an adjustment period. I was still adjusting not too long ago. It wasn't before the last month or so that I felt I adjusted to being a mom. I was reading a blog and they confessed it wasn't an easy adjustment for her, she felt lied to, that motherhood wasn't what she thought it was going to be like. I admit I felt the same way. I remember people saying very early on, "isn't being a mommy GREAT?!" as puppies and rainbows were coming out of their ears. I've always loved and adored Charlie but being a mom didn't come as naturally to me as I thought it would. I felt like I was going through the motions, second guessing myself and ached for "me time". These things made me feel like I wasn't a good mom, how can I want "me time" away from my precious baby? These thoughts sent me down Post Partum Depression Lane a few times. It wasn't severe but I definately felt off and not myself and couldn't do anything about it. I didn't like the person I was.

But...the happy ending to the story is I feel like I'm back to myself or as close to it as I can. I'll never be the same, being a mom does that to you but in a great way. For me, time has made being a mom easier (not easy, easier) and FUN! It probably has something to do with the little person Charlie is becoming, his personality kills me. So with that said, I'm very excited to see whats to come in 2011. I'm looking forward to new words, new discoveries and fun exploring the world through the eyes of a little person.

2010, you've been probably the most memorable year of my life. I've learned a lot from you but I'm ready to move on.


Klove said...

Lovely post. I can definitely relate. XOXO

Gale Hoover Hammond said...

You have always been SO utterly honest about your feelings, and I'm happy for that. You never sugar-coated anything. I was surprised you didn't slide into motherhood as fast and easy as I thought you would given how comfortable you've always been around OTHER people's kids. But I've never been disappointed in you; I've always believed you're a good mom, and I knew that you would struggle sometimes and (like every mom that ever was) eventually find your way through. Way to go, sweetie! The best is truly yet to come :)

Dorothy said...

Ditto Gale!

Melissa said...

isn't being a mommy GREAT?!"

I'm pretty sure I never told you that! ;-)

The first year, and with the first kid, is always the hardest!! I also think that some people just aren't baby people, like myself.

You are doing a great job!!

Katie said...

Being able to go through the first year with you has been a life saver. You have made me feel and believe that I can get through some of the hardest days, especially knowing that you too survived them. Thanks for all your advice and help along the way. here's to 2011!